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do you have any advice about managing food/eating the right amount etc when moving away for uni for the first time? sorry if this is tmi but I know for a fact I won't be able to purge ever bc I'll be sharing a bathroom with at least 8 people and I'm just not gonna let myself do that... so yeah I'm very scared!x
Anonymous

Thumbs up if you want me to do a “how to survive the first year of uni” post. Since I survived first year and managed to get better and pass with a decent grade I feel qualified for this topic ;) Self esteem overload? Maybe but I don’t care.

I'm so angry/upset because I stupidly weighed myself and I'm 3lbs off my weight I was before I started losing it and all the feelings of needing to lose it are coming back and I don't know how to cope. I feel like I can't tell anyone because people will just get upset or angry. Please help
Anonymous

LOOSING WEIGHT MEANS LOOSING A CHANCE AT A HEALTHIER LIFE. YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK DOWN THAT ROAD.

You are so much more than a number and you need to wake up and remind yourself of that every single day. Whether you are 3lbs off, 30lbs off, 0.3lbs off your “low weight” it is not important. I spent almost four years of my life trying to get down to a number that was in my head which I thought would make everything better. Guess what it got me? A summer in an ED unit, half terms in rehab, no independence, no life, being dependant on medical staff and spending my free time at the doctors. When everyone else was on lunch break, I was sitting in the medical centre kitchen crying my eyes out and being forced to drink 3 glasses of calorie gain shakes by my school nurses. When all my friends were playing sport, I was having blood tests and being weighed and having psychiatric evaluations. When my family were together eating meals, I was in treatment eating meals with a bunch of strangers and having a counsellor sitting right next to me in case I broke down and tried to escape. While most of my year were kissing boys and drinking and being normal, I was destroying my body and lying to everyone I knew just to protect my eating disorder that was only making me worse.

If you want to potentially die and ruin a huge chunk of your life and spend holidays and weekends in hospitals and rehabs then be my guest. But no one wants that, not even you. Going to units doesn’t make you better at your ed, it means you are being made weak by your eating disorder. You can get better now, you don’t need to get to any weight first before you can recover. Keep going, keep getting better. Being thin is nothing compared to being happy and being able to live your life xxx

I want to go vegetarian or vegan but I know it's totally ed driven because I just want an excuse not to eat meat anymore :/
Anonymous

Hey there sugar plum!

This is a tricky situation. For me personally, I always wanted to stop eating meat but my parents said I couldn’t. Then my eating disorder happened and I just stopped eating everything so when I went into treatment I had to rebuild my meal plan from the ground up and I wasn’t allowed to refuse certain foods because it apparently wasn’t fair on the other patients. I never ate meat at school ever and then when I turned 17 I just told my parents I wasn’t eating meat ever again and my parents said as long as I didn’t loose weight and they were happy I was replacing meat with other protein and having enough iron it was fine. I cook my own meals which I honestly don’t know if it’s still an ED habit where I like to be in control of what goes into my food, but I’m healthy and happy now and it doesn’t take over my life. What I am trying to say through all of this mess, is that you cannot do something because of your eating disorder. You cannot fuel the fire or it will just keep burning brighter. If you are only not eating meat to please your illness then wait a while until you are better and then see if you still want to be vegetarian. Know that being vegetarian doesn’t make you loose weight, in fact I’ve gained weight just by trying out so many wonderful veggie foods and drinks. It’s incredible to do it for animals and if you hate the taste but not to please a disease that is slowly killing you. Think carefully about it xxx

wasthatnotsideblog:

just gonna say this: if someone has social anxiety and they ask you something akin to ‘are you mad at me’ or ‘do you hate me’, it isn’t because they don’t trust you, it’s because their brain literally tells them that all the time

it’s not a personal slight, it’s insecurity caused by mental illness

thanks

(via winteraamy)

Do you ever have that thing where you have a dream which is so darn beautiful and majestic that each night you go to sleep hoping it comes back again. I do.