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Welcome to my new room in Norwich. 

Still decorating and got a lot more to do, like get a mirror, a lampshade, some photos etc but its getting there. I’m going to make it as homely as possible :) 

Mid Morning Thoughts

Yesterday when it was time to leave I just lost it big time. My mum found me crying in my room and I didn’t stop crying for ages. My parents are being so so nice to me at the moment its unreal. My mum was reassuring me that if I’m not happy I can move house and they will do whatever it takes to help me and my dad ran after me when I left to get the train and hugged me tightly and when I looked up he was in tears and just hugged me saying ‘I’m going to miss you so much” which just made something click and I have never felt so loved by my parents until that moment. They were genuinely crying because they felt my pain and they never cry. I don’t know why I’m writing this I guess I just wanted to share how wonderful my parents are when they deeply care. 

Oh AND I SURVIVED the first proper night of being in my new house, although I was woken up at 6am by the sunlight. This year I’m getting taxis everywhere because there is no bus route and I’m not walking for an hour to get into town so yes I have to gain courage and take taxis by myself. My mum told me that I always have to say yes to meeting up with people even if it means spending loads on a taxi because its worth it. This term I am going to take it day by day. I’m not going to push myself. I’m going to try to keep myself busy and get out of my comfort zone. It needs to be done. 

Loving my new “positive vibes” poster #happy thoughts #dowhatmakesyousmile #selflove #courage #selfconfidence

Loving my new “positive vibes” poster #happy thoughts #dowhatmakesyousmile #selflove #courage #selfconfidence

Spent WAY too much money in topshop on the way home but tbh it was a much needed trip. Retail therapy was necessary and it actually did make me happier, even though I am poorer now…

#tbt yesterday when the next door neighbours cat decided to make itself at home #catlady #home #cute

#tbt yesterday when the next door neighbours cat decided to make itself at home #catlady #home #cute

late night rambles

I cannot sleep. Thoughts are whizzing round my head and my anxiety is really bad right now…im laying in bed just wishing the negative vibes away but I know it doesn’t work at all like that. I’m honestly terrified to go back to university. I was put in an awful situation with my house for this year and I don’t even know the people I’m living with and they are in the year above. I’m scared I will be isolated and will as a result get more depressed and anxious and end up dropping out of university which I don’t want. I have to get trains and buses everywhere and I get so anxious on public transport. I just don’t want another anxiety attack and the thought of going back is making me feel physically sick. I wish I was one of those people who loved uni but I’m not. I just love home. Of course I am independent and I have been at boarding school since I was 11 so I know how to cope, I just get really homesick and think too much when I’m alone and I either spend all my time with people so when I am alone I cant cope or I spend all my time alone so when I’m with people I can’t cope…really I’m just lost and really worrying. If I don’t like it I will just come home. I’m not going to pretend anymore. Its not worth sacrificing my happiness just to please people. If I am hating life I will admit it. I cant keep pretending that I’m fine because if I keep pretending I will soon explode. Sorry for rambling. I cant sleep at all so I guess this is going to be one long night and then getting the train back to Norwich tomorrow….

There this new law where if you want to get your hair dyed you have to get a colour test 2 days before you Can then dye your hair…whaat? Who has time for that? Not me! Hence why my hair is still the same colour…resembling a tabby cat…